On top of all his puggy maladies, Sarge deals with the humiliation of wearing costumes at least once a month

Zulu, our staff neurotic who happens to be a pug, asked me not to include this slide show from The Onion, but I think it’s too good to censor for his sensitivities. The slide show focuses on pugs and all their little physical and mental issues.  It goes hand-in-paw with an Onion article about a massive recall of all 2007 pugs. (Zulu is one of these models. Shh. Don’t tell him. It won’t help his myriad neuroses.)

The Onion reports that Meredith's fused intestines and chronic wandering lung syndrome (WLS) now confine her to a small cabinet in her owner's living room.

After looking at the slide show, we’re tempted to set forth our own hypothesis as to why pugs are so plagued with oddball problems. We’ve come to the conclusion — and I think science will bear this out — that it’s all the costumes pugs have to wear throughout their puggy lives. It’s not just Howl-o-Mean costumes (see previous post for more on these), but the seemingly year-round attempts to shove pugs into costumes and human garb “because they’re just so darn funny looking,” as one pug’s person recently put it.

Only time will tell. In the meantime, if you happen to know any pugs — especially those born in 2007 — it’s best not to share this information with them. It will serve no purpose, and will only add to their list of things to worry about. And I think we can all agree that they don’t need anything else on their little puggy plates.

Now there's a happy looking dog. Buttercup is a West Highland terrier dressed as a queen bee. We think she should sting the lady behind her for making her wear this costume.

Once again, it’s time for that annual tradition of humiliating your dogs by dressing them up in outlandish costumes and parading them around like hapless  toddlers. Howl-o-mean is what we call it in the office. Last year my people dressed me as a butterfly. A pink butterfly. I will not include the five dozen photos they took. It’s a memory that even therapy can’t erase, try as I might.

The slideshow credit says this is Tuffy the Chihuahua dressed as a skeleton. But obviously the dog IS a skeleton, dressed as a punkster.

The Howl-o-mean season kicked off with the 5th Annual Times Square Dog Day Masquerade. This hallowed ground that rings in the New Year is now the very place that welcomes the season of humiliation.  Check out the poor embarrassed participants in this Huffington Post slide show.

Dogs, a word of advice if your person starts getting that “let’s go to the pet store to see what cute little costume will fit you, poochy-woochy!” look: Run, don’t walk, into the bathroom, lock the door, and don’t come out until Thanksgiving. (Be sure you stock up on provisions now. Hide nonperishable food items in the medicine cabinets and vanity. The toilet will provide all your water needs, so don’t worry about thirst.) Trust me. A month of life in a bathroom is worth it if it can prevent you from years of therapy and recurring nightmares.