Keep your dog away from nails. Stainless, aluminum, roofing nails, brads, galvanized, rusty, you name it — nails are not good for dogs.

It’s something we wouldn’t have thought of, except for a Florida dog named Roxie. It seems this basset hound wolfed down more than 100 nails. Luckily, not one punctured anything vital, and a vet was able to remove them all. Roxie is now recovering, and is swearing probably swearing off the hard stuff for a while. The story unfolds on the video below. Enjoy! We’ll see you again this weekend.

This is an innocent grey kangaroo. Please note that this is not the kangaroo who attacked Farmer Rickard and his dog. In fact, this kangaroo looks positively indignant at the association. Sorry for the species profiling, kangaroo. Photo: Mark Graham/AP

And a good Monday morning to you, mate! We figure there’s nothing like a little kangaroo gore to get you started with your work week, so we bring you this bizarre tale from across the globe.

Australian farmer Chis Rickard was walking his two dogs on his 20-acre farm earlier today when one of his dogs accidentally disturbed a snoozing ‘roo, according to The Times Online. Rocky, a blue heeler cattle dog, “pursued” the kangaroo as it hopped away, and the farmer’s horses also charged at the animal.

What’s a poor ‘roo to do? This one (whom we shall refer to as “it,” since we don’t know its gender; We Dog Daily News staffers have been called “it” by too many people, so we don’t like calling other animals “it,” but sometimes it’s necessary.) fought back. When the dog went after it in shallow water, the marsupial found that using its forelimbs to hold the dog under water amazingly stopped all errant behavior on the dog’s part.

At one point, the kangaroo held Rocky under water for a good 20 seconds. That’s a particularly long time in dog years, trust us.

Farmer Rickard realized he had to rush to Rocky’s rescue. He didn’t realize that he would soon be beaten to a pulp by the mad ‘roo, ending up with major gashes to his face, and a deep, long perforation on his stomach. The Times says the kangaroo “tried to disembowel him with his powerful hind legs,” but we’re not so sure that evisceration was actually the marsupial’s intent. Apparently the kangaroo also tried to drown the farmer.

Farmer Rickard eventually managed to back away and escape with Rocky. (Where was the other dog in this tale? Cowering in the bush? Calling 911?) His wounds were treated at a local hospital and he returned home Monday night. We find this very disconcerting, since it is Monday morning in San Francisco as we write this. We’ll never used to the fact that it’s already tomorrow somewhere else in the world.

Rocky will need to avoid all Winnie the Pooh videos for a while. Here, it does indeed look like Kanga is regaling Roo with her tale of what she did to Rocky in that bit of shallow water. This scene could send Rocky off his rocker.

Farmer Rickard is a little shaken up, and will likely have his girlfriend walk the dogs tomorrow –  while she carries a big stick. But his real concern is how traumatic this was for Rocky. “We are worried Rocky might be afraid of water now, and we hope he’s not going to be terrified of the sight of a kangaroo on the property,” he said.

With mobs of up to 30 kangaroos at time crossing through his property, the future could be a nightmare for Rocky. We suggest hypnotherapy. And at least for a while, he should stay away from all Winnie the Pooh videos. Kanga and little Roo will surely put him in flashback mode.

A toy belonging to one of the children; father, who is not allowed to be identified (nor are other family members), is in the background (Photo: James Glossop/The Times)

In our previous post, about fat dogs being taken away from their owners in Britain, we made a facetious comment wondering if fat human children were next.

Of course, that would never happen. It was just a dark joke. Right? Wrong.

A Twitter follower, doggiestylish, sent us a link to an article that shows our faux prediction had already come true. By now, most likely all of the human children of an overweight couple have been taken away from them. Authorities even absconded with the couple’s newborn baby. A main reason: Fatness. Not the baby’s, of course, but the parents’.

Everyone is heartbroken.

“I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. I can’t tell you how powerless I feel,” the dad told The Times. “The other children are devastated too. My wife was told she could stay with our baby for another 24 hours but then she would have to go home alone. She got up out of her bed and left the hospital there and then. I had to wait behind to say my goodbyes to the baby.”

We are heartbroken, too. Dogs need their people. Kids need them even more. Fat or not. This has gone too far. What’s next? Dogs and kids being taken away if their people wear unflattering clothes? (Stay tuned. You never can tell with British courts these days…)

Barney, before and after. Even his spots have shrunk. But did he really need to be wrenched from his person to get a svelte profile?

It was with sadness that we learned of yet another British dog being torn out of the loving arms of a person who had inadvertently made him obese.

According to a BBC report, John Green testified that “he treated Barney as more of a friend than a dog and that he did not set out to deliberately harm the dog.”

As a friend, John shared his chips and chocolate and other treats with Barney. Barney ballooned up to 154 pounds — twice the recommended size for a Dalmatian. We don’t think this is a good thing at all, but we wouldn’t do what the courts did: Not only did they take Barney away from John and put him in the care of a kennel that put him on a strict diet and exercise program; they also banned John from having any dogs for the next 10 years. That seems over the top.

Barney is not the only British dog taken away from his person because of obesity. We recently reported on Fat Bob, a Scottish dog who was far too paunchy for his own good. His person doted on him too much, giving him fish & chips, and lots of tins of dog food. He, too, was taken away from his person, sent to a Fido Fat Farm, and given to a new family.

"Where's my mama? Why are you taking me away?" may be among the frightened cries of the next species of animals who are dragged from their parents for being too portly

Dog Magazine whines that Britain is weighed down by a growing number of obese pets: “As a society it’s time to give a name to the fat dog epidemic sweeping the country.”  OK, maybe Paunchy Pooch syndrome? Corpulent Canine disorder? No, the magazine calls it animal cruelty. And lately, British courts do, too. There’s got to be a better way to trim down dogs and not break their hearts or those of their people.

What’s next – taking fat kids away from their parents?

Kellan Lutz and his best friend, Kola

The male stars of The Twilight Saga: New Moon are positively balmy for dogs. Yesterday we reported on Robert Pattinson’s desire to become a dog. And today, on the eve of the movie’s release, we find out that co-star Kellan Lutz’ dog is the world to him. “My dog is my life,” he said in an interview with  Doggie Aficionado Magazine. He and his dog, Kola, are the cover stars of the winter edition.

Yesterday, on The Ellen Degeneres Show, Kellan melted the audience when he told of how he came to get Kola (who apparently scores more fan mail than most actors could ever hope for). He’d been through a painful breakup, was pretty new to Los Angeles, and wanted a friend.

The refreshing news is that he didn’t go hunting for a purebred. He wanted to adopt. He visited 12 shelters in pursuit of his soulmate dog. When found her, she was cowering in the back of the cage. “Dude, she’s polar,” he said the attendant warned. But there was something about her. The audience particularly liked the part when she buried her head between his legs (the dog, not Ellen). You can watch the interview below and see for yourself.

And if you just can’t get enough Kellan Lutz, below the Ellen segment we bring you a taped interview from the Doggie Aficianado photo shoot. Ironically it’s less about dogs than the Ellen interview. We’d like to know what he is doing with his right arm for the first half of the interview. It’s a little disconcerting.

Here we go again. This trend is becoming bit disturbing.

We reported a few days ago on a woman who was charged with murder after blaming her dog for shooting her husband. (It’s a long story. Read about it here.)

Now we bring you the story of a California man who claims his dog tripped him while he had a semiautomatic weapon in his hand. The gun went off, and his wife went down.

The man, John Aaron Norris, is pleading not guilty to manslaughter charges, according to the San Luis Obispo Tribune. Unlike the woman we wrote about the other day, he has not been charged with murder. (So maybe the dog has already testified on his behalf?)

But we wonder if something larger is at work here. Is there a dog who is going around doing treacherous things? Could the above gone-toting pooch have anything to do with this disturbing trend? Are these just cases of people conveniently blaming the creature who can’t deny anything, as they do for things like excess gas? Or were these simply two freakily tragic incidents where the dog just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time?

Whatever the case, we’d like this trend to stop before it gets any worse. If you have a gun of any kind, do not point it at anyone. Assume it’s loaded at all times. And if you see the dog in the above picture, contact the police immediately. He or she (hard to tell from this angle) can be identified by a red ribbon and the smell of cigar smoke.

Twinnie, a German Shepherd, fell backwards off a cliff. He is undoubtedly happy to be alive, but he looks very humiliated.

Over the weekend, British rescue crews had to save two dogs who managed to fall off major cliffs in Scotland and England. These weren’t ordinary dogs with no common sense, like our Zulu. One was a German Shepherd. The other was a Collie of some undetermined vintage.

What is the world coming to when the Rin-Tin-Tins and Lassies are the ones doing making the clumsy moves? Who will be there if Timmy falls down the well? Who will save the day against enemy troops?

Rin Tin Tin was a rescuer, not a rescuee. This only adds to Twinnie's embarrassment.

Twinnie, who is 5, was apparently out for a walk with his brand-new people by some cliffs in Scotland. He was almost back to their car when he bolted. (It’s not easy getting new people when you’re 5.) When they caught up with him, he backed over the cliffs and landed 65 feet below, in the sea, barely missing rocks, according to a BBC story.

Coastguard and police came out and did a “sterling job” rescuing him, says Twinnie’s new person, Andy Finlay. “He was absolutely terrified, but otherwise fine,” says Andy. “He seems very happy now.”

We're sure if this was a closeup of Jack, he would look just as embarrassed as Twinnie

Meanwhile, down the great island a bit, it took English rescuers two days to save Jack the Collie, who had fallen a third of the way down a 100-foot cliff and landed on a grassy ledge. Jack is 9, and the weather was “atrocious,” according to another BBC story. That could not have been fun for the old guy.

Fellow Collie (of another make and model) Lassie points down the cliff. "Please, keep your dogs on leashes near the edges of these cliffs," s/he says via her hypnotic, clairvoyant look.

“…when the coastguard rescue officer reached the ledge, Jack was more than eager to be rescued and gave him a very warm welcome,” said coastguard watch manager Allan Norman.

So enough raining dogs. People, keep your dogs on a leash when you’re near a cliff’s edge. In this world, we need all the Lassies and Rin Tin Tins we can get…

It sure looked like an open and shut case to us.

A Florida woman has been charged with murder after she  tried to pin the shooting death of her husband yesterday morning on their innocent dog.

According to a story on WMBB, investigators saw right through Sabrina Griffin’s constantly changing story, which revolved around her dog knocking down a gun that went off and killed her husband, Brian Griffin.

Dogs are always taking the fall for humans, it seems. It usually has to do with being blamed for passing gas (”Eww, Scruffy! Why did you do that?” gags the real offender.) or eating the last piece of pumpkin pie (”Scruffy did it! Look, he’s licking his lips!” the perpetrator falsely exclaims.) So we’re relieved that the dog in this case was exonerated so quickly.

But still, we can’t shake the image above. Good thing we weren’t the investigators. The dog would probably have ended up in San Quentin.

Some people live for their 15 minutes of fame. Others could live without it. Four years ago, the wife of a soldier returning from five months in Afghanistan took a heartwarming video of their dog Gracie’s utter joy that her man, Lt. Andrew Schmidt, was finally home.

In April 2008 Schmidt posted the video on YouTube for friends and family to see. Until this week, it lay fairly dormant, with maybe 400 views. But suddenly it has gone viral,  with nearly 600,000 views. This has left Schmidt feeling a bit shell-shocked.

“O-kaaaaay. This is getting crazy,” he wrote on the video’s home page yesterday. “They ran this on the Today show today. I’m not a public person … this is getting a little intimidating.”

Was Sabi's incredible reunion with his troops in Afghanistan the cause of Gracie's video going viral?

How did the video gain more than a half million viewers in a few days? Certainly the Today spot pushed it into high gear, but a day or two before it aired on Today, the video had somehow scored 30,000 views. We think it may have had a lot to do with people looking for the amazing story of Sabi, the bomb-sniffing dog who disappeared during a brutal gun battle in Afghanistan, and was found and returned to his unit 14 months later. Probably enough people did searches for “Afghanistan, soldier, dogs, reunion,” that the video was unearthed.

Schmidt, who is now a captain in the Air National Guard, is being redeployed to Afghanistan in the spring. He has a message for people: “I’m glad that this clip of Gracie has made so many people happy. If it makes you smile, it’s a good thing,” he wrote. “But please remember the men and women in Iraq and Afghanistan right now.”

We wonder if Pres. Obama has seen this video yet.

Austin's Steak and Ale House: The antidote to Viagra? (Photo: New York Daily News)

So an old man walks into a bar, places a bet on a horse at the OTB window, and turns to leave. On his way out, he trips on a Pomeranian and loses his sex drive.

There is no punch line, and to Irving Grossman, 81, this is no laughing matter. In fact, he is suing the bar. According to the New York Daily News, the Queens retiree claims the fall at Austin’s Steak and Ale House caused him “severe pain, shock, mental anguish,” and wrecked not only his kneecap, but his sex life with his wife, Jaclyn.

“What can I say?” Irving told the Daily News. “It’s the story of my life.”

It’s the story of Irving’s life? So Irving has walked into bars, tripped on dogs, and ruined his sex life before? That is some bum luck! And his poor wife!

If this is the tripped-on Pomeranian, it appears he or she has lost all sense of good taste due to the incident. A lawsuit is definitely in order.

But since we are dogs, we also wonder about the well-being of the Pomeranian. How is he or she doing now? Did getting tangled in Irving’s feet cause the poor dog severe pain, shock, and mental anguish as well? Are there embarrassing problems with intimate relations? Is this Pom going to sue too? We’ll keep you posted if we sniff out further developments.