Dog Daily News

This is an innocent grey kangaroo. Please note that this is not the kangaroo who attacked Farmer Rickard and his dog. In fact, this kangaroo looks positively indignant at the association. Sorry for the species profiling, kangaroo. Photo: Mark Graham/AP

And a good Monday morning to you, mate! We figure there’s nothing like a little kangaroo gore to get you started with your work week, so we bring you this bizarre tale from across the globe.

Australian farmer Chis Rickard was walking his two dogs on his 20-acre farm earlier today when one of his dogs accidentally disturbed a snoozing ‘roo, according to The Times Online. Rocky, a blue heeler cattle dog, “pursued” the kangaroo as it hopped away, and the farmer’s horses also charged at the animal.

What’s a poor ‘roo to do? This one (whom we shall refer to as “it,” since we don’t know its gender; We Dog Daily News staffers have been called “it” by too many people, so we don’t like calling other animals “it,” but sometimes it’s necessary.) fought back. When the dog went after it in shallow water, the marsupial found that using its forelimbs to hold the dog under water amazingly stopped all errant behavior on the dog’s part.

At one point, the kangaroo held Rocky under water for a good 20 seconds. That’s a particularly long time in dog years, trust us.

Farmer Rickard realized he had to rush to Rocky’s rescue. He didn’t realize that he would soon be beaten to a pulp by the mad ‘roo, ending up with major gashes to his face, and a deep, long perforation on his stomach. The Times says the kangaroo “tried to disembowel him with his powerful hind legs,” but we’re not so sure that evisceration was actually the marsupial’s intent. Apparently the kangaroo also tried to drown the farmer.

Farmer Rickard eventually managed to back away and escape with Rocky. (Where was the other dog in this tale? Cowering in the bush? Calling 911?) His wounds were treated at a local hospital and he returned home Monday night. We find this very disconcerting, since it is Monday morning in San Francisco as we write this. We’ll never used to the fact that it’s already tomorrow somewhere else in the world.

Rocky will need to avoid all Winnie the Pooh videos for a while. Here, it does indeed look like Kanga is regaling Roo with her tale of what she did to Rocky in that bit of shallow water. This scene could send Rocky off his rocker.

Farmer Rickard is a little shaken up, and will likely have his girlfriend walk the dogs tomorrow –  while she carries a big stick. But his real concern is how traumatic this was for Rocky. “We are worried Rocky might be afraid of water now, and we hope he’s not going to be terrified of the sight of a kangaroo on the property,” he said.

With mobs of up to 30 kangaroos at time crossing through his property, the future could be a nightmare for Rocky. We suggest hypnotherapy. And at least for a while, he should stay away from all Winnie the Pooh videos. Kanga and little Roo will surely put him in flashback mode.