Dog Daily News

The book, “Eating Animals,” hits the shelves today. It has already received tremendous accolades from critics of all stripes and spots. Natalie Portman writes in the Huffington Post that she read the book — a preview copy, we assume, which we did not have the privilege of receiving at Dog Daily News — and turned from a 20-year vegetarian to a vegan. Now how’s that for an endorsement?

The book is about what it really means to eat animals these days. Factory farms are clearly in its sites. But it’s not just your standard “this is so sad, and look at what it’s doing to the environment” tome. The book, by novelist Jonathan Safran Foer, is described in a Huffington Post review as “a triple marvel: the research is serious and far reaching, the writing clear, clever, accessible and in a few instances graphically ingenious, and the cause is genuinely important.”

We look forward to getting our paws on a copy. Too bad Jonny boy didn’t send us a comp copy like he sent to Natalie. Maybe we’re not cute enough. Or maybe it’s because we’re dogs? Could he have a thing against dogs? He sure loves them chickens and cows, but what about us dogs?

We investigated. And what we found out made our stomachs turn: This alleged vegetarian has just written an article for the Wall Street Journal entitled, “Let them eat dog: A modest proposal for tossing Fido in the oven.” It could be an excerpt from the book, but as you may recall, he didn’t send us a copy, so we wouldn’t know. Here are some excerpts. (Do not read beyond this if you are a dog. Especially if you are eating breakfast.)

• Despite the fact that it’s perfectly legal in 44 states, eating “man’s best friend” is as taboo as a man eating his best friend.

• Dog meat has been described as “gamey” “complex,” “buttery” and “floral.” And there is a proud pedigree of eating it…Hippocrates praised dog meat as a source of strength. Dakota Indians enjoyed dog liver, and not so long ago Hawaiians ate dog brains and blood. Captain Cook ate dog…And dogs are still eaten to overcome bad luck in the Philippines; as medicine in China and Korea; to enhance libido in Nigeria and in numerous places, on every continent, because they taste good.

• Of course, something having been done just about everywhere is no kind of justification for doing it now. But unlike all farmed meat, which requires the creation and maintenance of animals, dogs are practically begging to be eaten. Three to four million dogs and cats are euthanized annually. The simple disposal of these euthanized dogs is an enormous ecological and economic problem. But eating those strays, those runaways, those not-quite-cute-enough-to-take and not-quite-well-behaved-enough-to-keep dogs would be killing a flock of birds with one stone and eating it, too.

• Few people sufficiently appreciate the colossal task of feeding a world of billions of omnivores who demand meat with their potatoes. The inefficient use of dogs—conveniently already in areas of high human population (take note, local-food advocates)—should make any good ecologist blush. One could argue that various “humane” groups are the worst hypocrites, spending enormous amounts of money and energy in a futile attempt to reduce the number of unwanted dogs while at the very same time propagating the irresponsible no-dog-for-dinner taboo. If we let dogs be dogs, and breed without interference, we would create a sustainable, local meat supply with low energy inputs that would put even the most efficient grass-based farming to shame. For the ecologically-minded it’s time to admit that dog is realistic food for realistic environmentalists.

Jonny even gives a real Filipino recipe for Stewed Dog, Wedding Style.

We assume that the author (who didn’t send us a book, in case you were wondering) is writing most of this tongue-in-cheek (and not dog cheek, we pray). At least we hope so. But you never can tell with a cow and chicken hugger. And it’s true that a lot of people around the world like to eat dogs.

My canine cousins are often crammed en masse into tiny cages and live utterly abysmal lives. We Dog Daily News staffers can’t believe this still happens. It does. And if people take Jonny’s “modest proposal” seriously, dogs in these 44 states he mentions (do tell, Jonny, is California among them?) might want to think twice before taking the offer of someone who says they want to have them over for dinner…

So we ask you to cast your vote. The Wall Street Journal is conducting a poll asking people to say yes or no the question, “Would you eat dog?” So far the No votes are outnumbering the Yes votes, but only by a ratio of about 2 to 1. Come on people, we can do better than this! Do that many of you really think it’s OK to eat dogs? We’re not talking hot dogs here, we’re talking Chihuahuas and poodles and German shepherds. And even Jack Russells!

Stop the madness! Cast your vote! My life may depend on it!