Dog Daily News

Fat Bob in his idyllic obese days.

We’ve been having a little disagreement here at the office. It’s about a dog named Bob. Fat Bob, to be precise. Fat Bob was living the high life in Scotland. He enjoyed a regular diet of fish suppers and four cans of dog food nearly every day. He became a bit large on this heavenly menu. In fact, he got to be 64 kg (141 pounds). At the time, he was considered the heaviest dog in Scotland, according to a BBC article. He was so obese that he couldn’t scratch his ears.

So the authorities stepped in. Apparently they like dogs to be able to scratch their ears. They convicted his person, Ralph Dryden, of causing unnecessary suffering by overfeeding him. They confiscated him from poor Ralph, and re-homed him with a family that put him on a strict diet and exercise regimen. Fat Bob lost a third of his body weight, and now tips the scales at a sleek 41 kg (90 pounds). The BBC article says he has a spring back in his step. This is supposedly a happy ending.

I beg to differ. It seems  a bit drastic to have taken Fat Bob away from Ralph. Ralph claimed Bob was a stray, and came to him very fat. Ralph is probably a really nice and caring fellow who just needed to learn to set limits. I can’t imagine Bob was too happy being taken from the person he loved, and put on this radical diet and exercise program. Talk about animal cruelty! (Ralph, if you are reading this and want another dog to overfeed and love, please contact me ASAP. I only get kibble. Can you believe it? I would love to be your dog.)

That's Bob, formerly "Fat Bob." Sure he has a spring in his step. That's probably because that morsel that man is holding up is his only food of the day!

There had to be ways around this. Ralph could have been instructed to keep Bob’s food intake down. Some people have a hard time doing this, so he could have even been monitored, if need be. But the law didn’t have to wrench these two blokes apart! Jasper agrees with me. (Good dog, Jasper.) However, Ida and Zulu think the authorities did the right thing. “Look how happy he looks in that photo on the right!” sighs Ida. “He’s all bouncy!”  I think that’s because that morsel of food in the guy’s hand is probably the only food he gets all day, so of course he’s going to have a spring in his step.

Ralph, I’m serious. Call me. I will be your devoted, loving, faithful friend. I will be your Greyfriars Bobby. And I promise that I won’t even need to scratch my ears because I will come from the states with several years’ worth of Frontline. They will not be able to wrench us apart. I will be with you through thin and through thick…