Dog Daily News

We think the dogs have all been given heavy narcotics. Look at them! Only the pug is halfway conscious. (Photo: NBCNewYork.com)

This “best friend” thing has gone too far. It was great when people just hugged their dogs, or confided in them, or took them on vacation. But now the love of our humans has turned us dogs into glorified yoga props.

A story on NBC New York features a twisted yoga class called “Dog-a.” And as you can see by the photo, having a dog is de riguer. No, dogs, you can’t simply beg off this assignment by saying you don’t need yoga, or that you’re allergic to the ingredients in sticky mats. Your people need you, so you have to go.

People swear by the effects. “It’s actually a really good thing for her,” said one woman of her pug, whom we believe is the only conscious dog in the above picture. “She’s a very anxious dog. She has a lot of nervousness.”

Oh, and being a high-strung dog in a room with a bunch of strangers with their legs spread wide, holding onto their comatose dogs and dipping their bodies from one side to the other is a very relaxing situation, we’re sure!

Let’s be realistic. I know what would happen in any “Dog-a” class I’d be dragged to attend. There would be dogs who sniff humans’ nethers when they’re in particularly vulnerable positions. There would be dogs who pee on the wall. There would be dogs who bark and dogs who scratch themselves throughout class and dogs who stand there panting in confusion. And of course, there would be the mandatory shivering chihuahua.

How the dogs in the picture above look so calm is baffling to us. We think heavy narcotics are involved.

The yoga studio’s owner told NBC her philosophy: “Dogs already are yoga, they already know that. But that relationship and honoring that relationship takes care of their emotional well being, their emotional health, physically and that heart to heart connection.”

Huh? We’re sure she’s a very nice person, but that went right over the heads of all us staffers. We assure you dogs don’t need yoga for that heart-to-heart connection. In fact, all we need is a nice pat on the head and perhaps a favorite treat. Try us.