Dog Daily News

Dogs, it’s time to strip off your leash and enjoy life! Your people should be cooking steak and chicken for you all week. They should be taking you to work with them. They should be letting you sleep on their beds, even if you kind of smell.

My new online friend, Zipper Dog, told me about this festive occasion via email. I was thrilled, of course. But here at Dog Daily News, our staff has been shocked by the lack of National Dog Week red-carpet treatment we’ve received from our people. I myself got out of bed today at 11 a.m. expecting great fanfare, and there was no one in the house. I was all alone! I had to take myself for a walk to the back yard, and I had no choice but to eat the stale kibbly crud I left in my bowl overnight. I thought that in the morning — the first morning of National Dog Week — it would turn to steak and liver. But there was no tooth fairy or Easter bunny for ol’ Frank.

I’m not alone in my dejectedness. Poor Jasper had it worse. His person forgot him at the dog park. Just left him there. That’s why Jasper was late for work today. At least that was his excuse. He had to take the bus, and the bus driver said no dogs without a muzzle, so he had to walk to the pet store to buy himself a muzzle. You can imagine the humiliation.

Part of the problem is that National Dog Week doesn’t seem to have much marketing behind it. It’s popped up in a few blogs and a couple of not-so-great videos, but we can’t seem to find the sponsoring entity. Does anyone know who’s behind this disappointing week? We’d like to have a chat with them. And we’ll let you know if things start to improve for our lot.